by Kym Grosso, MBA

A new year is upon us and as usual, I am trying to get the school district to see things through the eyes of a parent of a child with autism. I really would just appreciate if for once school systems would stop and listen to parents. Really listen...don't pretend to listen. Don't talk at us like we are the children you teach. Don't tell us what the district is going to do or not going to do. Please just listen and try to imagine what it is like for us and our children for one minute.

Empathy and listening are valuable skills when two parties are attempting to communicate and collaborate. And while “collaboration” is a word thrown around in school district mission statements, I often wonder if anyone understands the what the word means.

I suppose if you don't have a child with autism, no matter how hard you try you won't completely understand what it is like. To be fair, some people do try and come close to understanding. And that is how it is in life with any employee in any business. There are employees who consistently go above and beyond. The customer is always right. Then you have the kind of employees who just coast right through the work day, oblivious to the customer, but causing no harm. Then there are “the ones”...the employees who just don't give a damn about what the customer thinks. It doesn't matter who is hurt because they just don't care.

That being said, I think the message I have been sent by my school district's transportation department is that they are on the “just don't give a damn” side. Perhaps I am being a little too harsh but that is how it feels. You see my son who has autism, has never taken the school district transportation in his life. With middle school upon us, I thought this would be a good time to start him riding the bus. But the district has decided the most efficient route is for my son to be the first one picked up in the morning and the last one dropped off, giving him the longest bus ride both ways. There are only 3 kids on the bus who live minutes from each other, but the district is so completely inflexible that they refuse to change the route.  In addition, they are refusing to pick him up in the driveway even though they do the same for many other children with autism.

I tried talking with the transportation office, the teacher, the supervisor of special ed and most recently the superintendent who called me when he heard of the issue. Four days later and still no flexibility on their part to merely do the right thing and be fair. Yes, Mrs. Grosso, your son has the longest bus ride BOTH ways.  No, Mrs. Grosso, we refuse to pick him up in the driveway even though we do it for the other students with autism.  Yes, I know it isn't fair but too bad...life isn't fair...just deal with it. Really, just tell your son to also “just deal with it” because he is the one who will be affected.

You know, ever since my son's diagnosis, I am reminded on a daily basis that life is not fair. Most days I deal with it with grace and acceptance. And on other days, when I simply have had enough of the b#llsh$t, I make a conscious decision fight for my son. But sometimes, I run out of energy to fight over simple things when there just so many important problems to resolve.

So what do I do? Do I continue driving my son back and forth to school? Do I will fight more about the transportation in IEP meetings?  Or do I rest and save my energy for another day?  No matter what you do to communicate your perspective, people in the school systems will never understand what it is like for a child with autism let alone the parent of a child with autism. Some people don't care and will never even try.

As for me, maybe at the end of the week I will just sit here and be thankful for what I do have...maybe cry a little...then pick myself up again and keep fighting for my son when the more important battles come. Yes, life is not fair...I get it already. But I won't stop trying to level the playing field for the sake of my son or other children who have autism.